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Neurotics vs. Psychotics [
0000-00-00 ]
Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
A psychotic thinks that two and two are five.
A neurotic knows two and two are four -- but he hates it.
TG
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Anger Management [
0000-00-00 ]
Imagine yourself standing by a stream.
Birds are chirping and the air is cool and crisp.
This is a sanctuary that no one knows about.
No one is going to bother you here.
You are completely isolated from the chaotic world out there.
There is a gentle waterfall and serenity is all around you.
The water is so clear that you can easily make out a scenery or a face.
Imagine the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
There you go, feeling better now?
TG
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Sexual Pre-Occupation [
0000-00-00 ]
A man complains to a Psychologist saying, "My wife thinks I'm obsessed with sex".
Psychologist replies, "Well let's do some testing and see what it tells us", and he startes with the ink blots. "What do you see in this picture?" he asks. The man looks at it, turns it upside down and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist remarks, "that's intriguing" and shows him the next card asking "And what do you see in this?" The man rotates that one in different directions and then says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist pulls out the third ink blot, and asks again, "What is this a picture of?" The man again turns it various ways and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist declares, "Well, it does seem like you are obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" protests the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
TG
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Obsessions..!! [
0000-00-00 ]
During a group therapy session with four moms and their young kids, the psychiatrist announced...."Seems like all of you have obsessions".
He turned to the first mother and said, "Your obsession is food. Look you have even named your daughter Candy."
He told the second, "You are obsessed with money. See, it shows in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."
TG
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Old Man with "High" Sex Drive [
0000-00-00 ]
After completing a physical on a 90-year old man, the physician remarked "I see that you are in excellent shape for someone your age"....
The patient replied" I know that but I do have one serious problem". Whats that...the doctor asked. "My sex drive is way too high, anything you can do for that?"....replied the elderly man.
The doctor exclaimed in surprise "Your what?!"
"My sex drive," said the man. "It's way too high, and I'd like for you to lower it if you can."
"Lower it?!" gasped the physician, still in disbelief hearing what his 90-year old patient was complaining about, and asked "Just eaxctly what you consider too 'high'?"
"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the eldely patient, "and I'd like to have you lower it about three feet if you can."
TG
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